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I was a high match with a seemingly large number of men—quite a few of them were in the 99 percent range.

Meanwhile, online, I could decide between sites with free memberships, such as Plenty of Fish; paid sites with an older, more earnest clientele, such as e Harmony; niche sites such as and Gluten-Free Singles; and many others, all slightly differentiated by price, demographics, and objectives.

Of the messages that did make it to my inbox, many were from men who were not a good match for me.

My filter settings are pretty generous—if you have a compatibility rating of higher than 70 percent, are of at least “average” attractiveness, and send more than a three-word message—“Hey” and “Yo girl” are not acceptable—your message will make it to me.

Some people disappear after a few exchanges—sometimes even after you’ve made plans to meet.

You may also start talking to someone only to realize that you are no longer interested in getting to know them better.

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