Dating internet story weird
When I met him at the bar he proceeded to tell me that 1) If we became a couple I would only be allowed to wear my Yankees hats/shirts when I was home visiting my family; never around him; 2)I should not expect him to talk to me while he was watching Redsox games on TV; and 3) we could not get married in October because he needed to keep the post-season available for any potential Redsox trips to the World Series.• My online date was eight-and-a-half months pregnant. ’ A gay friend of hers, it turns out, had inseminated her with a turkey baster, or so she said.When I asked what she was doing on a blind date when she was going to give birth in two weeks she said: ‘The baby has me; I want someone.’• A poet offered to pick me up for dinner and a movie.Like, she would scoop dough out of a roll, pound it into a little ball, and then put it back in the basket! Did you ever see that movie ‘Conspirators of Pleasure,’ with the woman who fetishizes bread and snorts dough balls?She would then fill the little remaining crust-boat with olive oil, take a bite from it, and refill it. It reminded me of that, which might say more about me as lousy digital dater than her.• We agreed to meet at a bar even though he didn’t drink (when I asked if he went to meetings instead, he was silent).After some words of consolation from me about how fucked up that experience must have been, she told me she made it up, and every other story she had told me that night, because she likes making up stories.It was an amazing WTF moment and I never talked to her again.• I got walked out on on a date that seemed like it was going fairly well because I said I didn’t like french fries.I don’t really drink much, and I don’t really have a problem with it, and I didn’t really know the girl very well, and I didn’t want to be there.While I am sure it was great for her, it was just not where I expected to be on a first date.• I can’t even begin to rehash the details, but the guy drove a Cougar as if it were a Ferrari, had a facial twitch that I’m pretty sure can be seen from space, had favorite hobbies along the lines of watching History channel documentaries, and disapproved of my eating of croutons in my salad.
It was about killing unicorns (and no he was not being ironic). Captain Pretentious• Dude talked for several hours nonstop about his multi-discipline art project, which was based solely on an experience his father had 40 years ago.
But we think we’d be remiss not to include the dark and very real amongst the wacky and bizarre.
The Strange• After we had sex, she told a story about her marine biology internship and about a pack of manatees they once found in the water off Key West.
I was so grossed out I couldn’t bring myself to ask what the problem was.
By the end of dinner it looked like he’d spit out more than he’d ate.• I went back to the person’s place after a concert and unwittingly served as passive-aggressive muscle for a drug deal. At the time he owned no dogs at all.• I went out with a guy in his 30s who told me within the first hour of the date that: he didn’t have a bank account, had never filed taxes, worked on a drug farm, and paid with his “green card” aka pot for goods and services in the neighborhood.• Nowhere on her profile did it say anything about her being an acid casualty and ketamine dealer.• It’s a tie.