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” and “Let’s dabble in BDSM tonight.” Being up for anything—a good outlook when it comes to casual sex—really means, “up for fairly common sex acts that we’re both comfortable with, perhaps with minor, fun twists.” It doesn’t mean you need to test drive your kinkiest fantasies.
If you hook up with someone one time—say from a dating app, or a tipsy make out with a long-time acquaintance after your mutual friend’s house party—you don’t need to debrief the next day.
In a casual relationship, however, someone may never explicitly end things with you.
There’s a huge difference between, “I’ve never had sex in a car, wanna help me out?
At this point, you need to say something like, “Are you cool with keeping this casual?
No big deal if you aren’t, I just want to be on the same page because that’s what I’m looking for.” And then if you crazy kids continue to engage in unattached sexcapades, set more specific rules from there, and accept that it won’t be the last time you talk about them. Prolonged proximity leads to intimacy, whether you like it or not.
If you hang out with someone long enough, you become friends, and then you’re friends who are regularly sleeping together and spending the subsequent day together, and then bam!
The next thing you know, you’re at CVS getting them a cheesy Valentine’s Day card.